I killed my baby today

Oh phuck I am so sad. So sad I can't propery curse in my own blog. If I could slit my wrists and have them heal right away, I'd do it as an illustration of just how sad I am. Actually, no. I'm not that sad yet. I'll save that for when Taco Bell forgets to give my drunk ass the right amount of mild packets. I'm not drunk right now, I'm just usually drunk when I go through Taco Bell. Not like I drive drunk or anything, someone else drives drunk for me. Anyway I'm sad and now I want Taco Bell. And to be drunk. But I can't because I'm at work and I'm not sure what their policies are on drinking in the work place. They probably don't have a policy against blogging on the job but since I have access to a computer it's happening. If I had access to a bottle of Jack, well I just might brush my teeth with it- as part of my goal of being more like Ke$ha, which ironically forces me also to be more like P. Diddy. This is stupid. What you're reading is stupid. Written by a stupid, stupid person who is literally fantasizing about a baja beef gordita. Apparently I want to eat my sadness. I think it would be good with extra sour cream. Ok so this is what I did: I broke my computer. My new, clean white shiny Vaio. I broke it.

Let me explain. I don't want to spend nine milllion dollars on Micorsoft Word so I'm using the "free" version my laptop came with. Looking back, I should've just jacked it off the internets like I did with my Compaq. Anyway I was doing some editing for a friend and I was on the last page of the chapter, ok? The Last Page, when there was an error- an error that erased half of my changes.

So I did what any normal person would do, I strangled my screen. Not very hard. I just twisted it a little. I swear to the Laptop Gods that it was barely anything. It was like tearing a piece of paper in two. That's the amount of force I used. And then the screen made a gut wrenching cracking sound, like bones breaking and then the colors of my background image started to like, liquefy and run together and oh it was awful. My laptop was bleeding. There's no other way to describe it.

Why in the hell would you sell someone an extremely fragile device that makes them extremely angry? Is it like the gum manufacturers who make their gum to lose flavor so customers keep buying more? I know gum does not need to lose flavor that fast. It's a marketing scheme. You're telling me we can build rocket ships and MRI machines but we can't chew a stick of Big Red for more than 30 seconds without having to pop another one back in?

Sorry for the rant but this just happened. I'm still in shock. What should I do? Do I bury the remains in the backyard? Tie a brick to it and toss it in the Mississippi? I'm scared, guys. And I feel awful. I loved little Tooty so much. I just named him that. Oh no, the name makes it worse! Why Tooty? Why?!!!!

I took a pic with my phone of the carnage. But I can't upload it onto this computer and the mobile blogging thing isn't working. I like to have a picture in all my posts so.... here's this.

Yes, this is her back.

UPDATE

 I have to use a monitor from the 1800s and connect it to the laptop




Otherwise my screen looks like this