All You Can Eat Chicken Wings for $5
Have you ever been to an all you can eat wing night? It's like going to a strip club. The lights are dim, men are huddled in dionysian absorption. No one makes eye-contact. The servers are robotic in their movements and affect. They have been over-exposed to the ultimate baseness of human nature.
The air is moist from the hot, breathless chewing of a hundred mouths.
Don't go in the back room. It's like walking in on a hoard of rats feasting on a baby. It smells of greasy flesh and sweat. The back room is for serious patrons only.
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After finding a place to sit, my friends and I began our digestive journey after our waitress (who was surprisingly adept at operating a fork lift) dumps a steaming mass of hot-sauced chicken parts on our table. Our pupils dilate in the first thrill of glut.
Five or forty minutes later (space-time has been rendered meaningless at this point) we awake from a shared blackout. What's left of the wings is tangle of chicken bones. The terrifying gleam in our eyes coupled with the piles of skeletal remains frighten guests that have just walked through the door.
But they can't turn back now.
The waitress tells us that the kitchen is backed up and we might have to wait for our next batch of wings.
We stared like zombies at her.
"It'll be just a few minutes," she said.
My friends and I stared at our empty plates.
"Wings gone," I said.
"No like," they said.
"No like at all."
The waitress walked by. We looked at her hopefully, "More wings?"
We held up our plates, expecting them to be filled with delicious carcass. The waitress sprayed us with mace and ran toward the kitchen.
We eyed those who surrounded us, cramming their maws with juicy, juicy chicken.
"What animals," we said.
Finally our waitress came back and cracked the door to our cage. She hid behind it and tossed handful of wings in. I ran toward her to the giant bowl of chicken she had resting on her hip but she cracked me with a whip and I stumbled back. She tossed the rest of the wings in and before long, we had blacked out again.
"Would you like more wings?" She asked us, poking us with a stick between the bars of our cage, after we had came to.
Our bellies distended and aching on pounds of flesh, our tongues burning from gallons of hot sauce, "Yes," We said. "We want MOAR."
LOL
ReplyDeleteWe don't have them over here but there is an Indian restaurant that has a 'all you can eat'.
If I went there often enough they'd probably go bankrupt.
Mmmmmm wings..... was Dawn with you? This reminds me vaguely of the time she ate those peanut butter pancakes...
ReplyDeleteAll you can eat HOT WINGS? MMMM
ReplyDelete