Where the fuck are my chips and dip?

So you know that weird, hallucinogenic pre-dream phase-- when you're just on the verge of sleep, slipping  into a hazy, distant slumber? You experience those semi-dreams where you're balancing somewhat precariously on the tip of consciousness. Well, recently mine have been lasting longer and longer. I think it's mostly because I've learned how to determine that what I think is true and am experiencing, ie the semi-dream, is actually not reality and *poof* I'm awake. Like for instance, I find myself hanging out with the guy from Cake Boss smoking a jay in my high school cafeteria. It's over when I reflect for a second and think, hey this is odd...   Shit.

A dead give away is when your friends or family are your friends or family, but not really. You know? Or when it's your house, but it's a different house. Same old shit, Dreams. You know I'm onto you.

That must be why last night, as I was falling asleep, Dreams thought it could trick me by making me think I was eating chips and dip. It didn't work, did it Dreams? I actually woke up, chewing. Chewing nothing. Chewing air! Do you know how disappointing that was for me, Dreams? To think that I was eating chips and dip but then to be slapped by cold hard hand of reality... not cool.

You need to try harder, Dreams. I am obviously too smart to fall for your little pre-sleep trickery. I don't know what to tell you, but I'm tired of waking up five times before I fall fully asleep. Maybe I could dream that I'm dreaming? I can't tell you how to do your job though. Just get your shit together!