Cream of chicken poop

Hungover, hungry, depressed, unshowered....is there a better way to start a blog? You may be thinking why don't you just go get some food? Or why don't you take a shower? Or why did you drink so much last night?  Well, first of all I would ask you how come you are so judgmental? Maybe you're insecure or just really self-righteous. Whatever your deal is, I'll tell you this, I can't get food because my boyfriend had to take my car to work and all we have in the house is cream of chicken soup and I really don't want cream of chicken soup. I don't know why I bought it in the first place. I do that a lot, actually: buy cream of chicken soup and then regret it. Apparently I think I'll want some later, but I honestly don't think I've ever had a craving for cream of chicken soup. Have you? Has anyone? I don't know what I was thinking.

As for your second question: why don't I take a shower? Well mainly because that involves getting off the couch. Don't get me wrong. It's not because I'm lazy...well it's half because I'm lazy, and it's half because standing up will almost certainly aggravate the dull ache in my prefrontal cortex  into a massive cranial throb. Also my stomach is an angry sea of intestinal juices. There's definitely some sort of hurricane grade action going on down there and I don't want to risk movement and feel body juice splashing around in my insides. Gross.

And so why did I get drunk? Well first of all because drinking is fun. Duh. Also because it makes me hurt less on the inside, which helps when me when I get into fights with my boyfriend or think too much about how one day I and everyone I know will no longer exist. There are consequences though, as you well know. Such as the sicky sicky sad feeling when you get up the next day, dancing in public and getting your phone stolen. Which happened to me last night, the public dancing and the stolen phone. When googling how to find a stolen droid, all I find are tracking apps I should've installed. Thanks google.

Oh it was so sad. I just went up to pay my tab and when I came back, it was gone. Like we all will be someday. You will return to the earth one day, dear phone. Until then, be happy.


UPDATE: Some guy accidentally took my phone. He found it in his pocket and called my dad. It is mine once again. Maybe we will live forever after all.